When you meet someone and start spending time together, you may find that you naturally get to a point where you start to see them as someone you would like to spend your future with, or at least be exclusive with as you continue to get to know them. These steps towards commitment look different for everyone. For some people, this might mean taking a big step and getting engaged if they know they’ve found their ‘person’, whilst others might need more time, and still want to express a level of commitment. But how do you do this without putting undue pressure on the relationship? How do you take steps towards commitment once you realise that your relationship is one that you would like to take forward?
Here are three actions to consider as your dating relationship develops.
‘DTR’ – Define the relationship
Something to think about is how you define your relationship (‘DTR’ as the internet says). When my husband and I were getting to know each other, it was important to me that our relationship was defined. It was still early days, and we had gone on several dates, but we were not calling ourselves ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ yet.
I didn’t want to assume, and when friends asked me what was going on, I wasn’t quite sure what to say. I mean, we had met up a few times in a few weeks, but he hadn’t yet asked me out. So, we had a chat about it; I didn’t want to assume we were exclusive if he was also seeing other people, and vice versa. He agreed, and we decided that we wanted our relationship to be exclusive and started officially dating.
I think that defining your relationship is a good way to provide clarity for both parties and helps avoid assumptions and disappointments. This also helps when you decide it’s time to meet the special people in each other’s lives- close friends, church family, relatives and even children.
Make important introductions
Speaking of meeting each other’s important people, one way to show commitment in a relationship is to introduce the person you’re seeing to the people in your life. Some people see this as a big step, while for others, it feels like a natural next step when you know the relationship is getting serious.
Apart from providing clarity to each other about the status of your relationship, it also gives your close friends and family the opportunity to get to know the person you’re in a relationship with, and let you know their thoughts about them, too. Introducing someone to the important people in your life shows them that they are also special to you and you are committed to taking the relationship one step further.
Agree obligations
Another way to make small steps towards commitment is by discussing or agreeing your obligations to each other and how you expect them to evolve with time. One example could be where you attend church. You might initially start off going to your own individual churches, but a small step towards commitment could look like deciding to attend each other’s church together, as a couple.
This might not always be possible depending on how far away you live from each other, but you could arrange to do so when you visit one another. These kinds of discussions can then evolve into where you want to attend church in future- at either of your churches, or somewhere neutral. Deciding to attend church together is just one way to show your commitment to one another.
Having discussions about existing commitments you both have and seeing where they align, or not, is also important. If you’re seeing someone who lives far away from you, you might have work or family commitments that mean you can’t move to be closer to them immediately.
But having those discussions and making a decision for one of you to relocate to be closer to the other shows real commitment to the relationship. Most people might wait till they are engaged or even married to take this step, but talking about it and putting plans in place shows that you’re taking the relationship very seriously.
Steps towards commitment don’t have to be big, major decisions, such as getting engaged, for example, or buying a place together. It can start with small, simple steps that show the other person that you want the relationship to move to the next level. Defining your relationship, meeting each other’s important people, agreeing on your obligations to each other, and discussing where your commitments align are all ways to take the relationship one step further.
What steps to commitment would be most important to you?
Enjoyed ‘3 important steps towards commitment in the early stages of a relationship’? You might enjoy ‘5 more green flags that indicate your date is worth seeing again‘ and ‘Should we commit? 4 important questions to ask before you do‘
